W H A T T I F F ? (⟡∀⟡'')

What if Twilight had never been written? Teenage girls everywhere wouldn't have a single unifying messiah to bring them together as one single breathing, raving, teething horde. Robert Pattinson would never have risen to fame as the undead, bushy-eyebrowed sexual hero of the fantasies of women from ages 10 to 60. If Twilight had never been written, the general teenage population would still be mostly illiterate, Stephenie Meyer would be living in a box and J.K. Rowling would still be hailed as the most successful, most intelligent writer for children/young adults of this generation. If Twilight had never been written, girls everywhere would not have a ludicrous, wholly anti-feminist outlook about themselves and would also not be searching for mates who they (the girls) can completely devote their entire lives to and not ever have to think, worry or have thoughts or opinions that don't revolve around their mate for the rest of their lives.

If Twilight had never been written, the halls of schools nationwide would be silent and sad, with no stupid T-shirts that say "Team Edward" or "Team Jacob," the latter bearing Jurassic Park III-type bloody slashes through the logo. If Twilight had never been written, Hot Topic would probably have gone out of business. If Twilight had never been written, female literary idols would still be based on women who thought for themselves in a society where it was forbidden, not girls who are stupid and useless in a society where they would, in reality, FAIL MISERABLY.

If Twilight had never been written, the formerly respectable vampire genre would still be the domain of eloquent, meaningful writers such as Anne Rice and M.T. Anderson, not dumb b.s. wannabe writers who are riding the waves left by Stephenie Meyer and banking off the stupidity and lemming-like blind frenzy of teenagers who devoured the Twilight novels like wolves devouring a half-frozen carcass in the middle of a harsh winter in the Carpathian Mountains.